Let’s say that you are really into designer brands, you love high-end fashion and looking good. You’re finally making the kind of money you dream of, and you decide to buy a nice gift for your partner. Let’s say a purse, it’s a great brand, it’s expensive, and you give it to them. And they say thank you. They wear it the next day. And then you don’t see it again.
Months pass, and you find the purse deep in the closet still in its dust bag. And you ask them why they don’t wear it. And they tell you that it’s very expensive, so they don’t want to wear it too much. You tell them that you bought it for them to wear. They try to explain that it’s not their style, and they aren’t even sure how to make it work with their wardrobe.
You get angry and can’t understand why they don’t appreciate what you got them, why are they so ungrateful?
BUT… I have a question.
Is the person you spent thousands of dollars on even interested in the item you bought “for them”? Think about it, if you gave them the money instead, would they have bought it? Is it a dream item for them, or is it something you would like them to have, because it matches your style?
Because there are women who dream of expensive items and can’t afford them. And there are those who even if they had the money wouldn’t. They see it as a waste.
What’s important is knowing which person you are with. The person who dreams of a designer purse or the person who wouldn’t buy it even if they had the money.
If this is their dream item and they’d buy it if they had, it’s a great gift. But as it seems, this isn’t something that they would buy if they had the extra money. So if you have the money to buy an expensive item for your partner. I have to ask why wouldn’t you choose something that you know they would love. Why buy them something that you love. Why wouldn’t you choose an item that you know they’d enjoy?
If their love language isn’t gifts, that changes the whole scenario. Because this actually doesn’t work as well if their love language, is anything else. And you really do need to tailor the way you love them to how they want to receive love. Not how you wish to love them.
Imagine spending that money on someone who has begged you for a weekend away because of how busy both of you are. Or even less just letting them sleep while you feed the baby. Not everybody wants grand gestures. Some poeple would much prefer consistent little gestures.
The sooner you learn how to love them, the happier ya’ll will be.