A Black Woman’s Daily Affirmation- You may not be where you thought you’d be,but don’t give up you’re doing great.

A Black Woman’s Daily Affirmations: Day One-

You had a plan. You knew exactly where you would be by this time in your life. You had your whole life mapped out. You knew where you would be at every pivotal milestone. 21,30,35,40.

But

Life happened, and for better or for worse, all those intricate plans that you had have gone awry. And you’re hurt because you knew where you were supposed to be at this point in your life.

But I have a question for you.

Who told you, you had to have some gigantic life plan to do well? Who told you that you have to complete some specific list in your twenties or you’ve failed? I need you to know that for the vast majority of us. Our lives look nothing like we thought they would. And we still have beautiful lives. There isn’t one age that you must complete anything to live well.

Who told you that you weren’t doing a great job?

I need you to know that as long as you’re moving forward to have the best life, that’s where you should be in life. Maybe you haven’t done all the big things you had planned, but that’s ok. As long as you are moving forward.

Now understand moving forward looks different for each person. You have to understand that living and growth is a process that looks different on everyone.

Maybe if you have dreams of writing a book you blog once a day. Or if you have aspirations of going back to school, just start by studying up on one of the classes you have to take for that major. Maybe you have a simple dream of traveling beyond your country. Even saving $25 a month is a start. Nothing is too small as long as you are moving forward. There is nothing wrong with where you are. Everyone needs a starting point. The most important thing is to consistently move every day toward your goal. Whether that is just one footstep or a mile a day doesn’t matter.

You’re not at the wrong point in your life. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t let setbacks or hard times make you think you can’t achieve your goals. Keep moving forward. You are at the exact moment that you need to be. I know your story is going to be amazing! So don’t give up on it just because a few chapters aren’t what you would like.

A Black Woman’s Daily Affirmations: Day One- You’re Beautiful

Yeah, I said it, and I’ll say it again.

You are beautiful.

 I hear what you saying. I don’t know you. But why does that matter? It doesn’t change the facts of the statement I said. And I don’t care how many people have felt the need to tell you how you weren’t beautiful. They were wrong. And they’ll always be wrong, and I need you to know that. 

They are wrong.

Society has never been kind to us. It never has been, and probably won’t ever be. So here’s something you should know: 

  • You’re not too dark to beautiful.
  • You’re not beautiful for a Black girl. You’re gorgeous period. No caveat is needed.
  • Your 4C hair is just as beautiful as 3C , and 1A hair regardless of how society has conditioned us.
  • Your lips aren’t too big, nor are they too small.
  • Your hips aren’t too wide or too narrow.
  • Your butt isn’t too big or too small.
  • You are not too small to be a beautiful black woman ,nor are you too big.Beauty is in every size.
  • You’re stunning even if your hair never grows longer than an inch.
  • You don’t have to have long hair to be a beautiful woman.
  • Your skin color is not an indicator of your beauty or your worth.

So when you ever think of yourself as less than beautiful. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are. Do it every day consistently if you need to.Take pictures marvel at them.

Do it until it sticks and you realize how beautiful you are.

Feeling good as Black women despite those who wish to demonize Black women

There are a lot of men on the internet right now who have made it their sole reason of existence to talk negatively about Black women. They call us ghetto to say we lack accountability, maturity, loud, insulting, emasculating, calling us “breeder”( no, I’m not kidding), and the list goes on.

But you know what I think we need to do as a collective?

Live our best lives.

I actually am a fan of people saying their true feelings. Even if I know their opinion are horrible ones. Why so that we as a collective can avoid them like the plague they are.

I like to watch them be dragged online, and I celebrate those who do have the energy to call them out for their ignorance. But I will personally put no effort into any of this. For myself, I don’t want to put a single more thought into them. They are not worth the stress the arguments would cause me.

You’re probably thinking, how do you combat them while not interacting with them?

Easy, by living my best life and actively proving them wrong with a great life. And having all the things they don’t believe I can have while being me.

Tropes we need: Well loved marshmallow dark skinned female characters

In recent shows, brown to dark-skinned female characters are placed into certain roles. Often as the “tough” character, the one who protects the main character or teacher them something. Or maybe she’s just the sassy Black woman. They are often not seen as feminine or soft. To the point where just them existing to some is them showing masculine energy. And if they are tall there’s almost no chance of them being considered feminine, regardless of behavior. They are also often made to be undesirable regardless of whether they are seen as feminine or masculine. Dark-skinned women are OFTEN not seen as feminine or desirable and so as Black people who make media, who better than us to change this.

I don’t want just SOFT dark-skinned female characters, no, we have to go deeper. Deeper! I want them to be marshmallows. Soft dark-skinned women who don’t have to lift a finger. Who don’t fight battles and aren’t the strong character in a story. Who are babied, cry easily, and are comforted constantly. I want them to have husbands who don’t want to or let them lift a finger. Who make it their job, to ensure their wife is happy. I want strong personalities without having to be the “STRONG Black woman. I want a character who twists her leg, cries and doesn’t stop crying until she’s comforted and feels better about it. “And still has to be carried back home, just in case, because what if she hurts it again. Who dressily cutely, and knows her worth. To be fair she could be single. If so she is I wanted by every guy in a 1,000-mile radius wanting her and all the women around wanting to be her friend. I want her hand kissed, I want men falling over themselves. I want her to be the biggest baby, and I want a story, that starts with her being like that and ending that way. She doesn’t need a lesson, she needs to keep on being soft. She is on an ebony pedestal that we aren’t going to take her off of. With her getting whatever she wants. She must be unapologetically girly. I want her to find a place where she can continue on that way or find a man that will continue spoiling her.

What does she bring to the table?

What????

Marshmallow is only one part of her personality. We could make her a genius or dumb. The daughter of a king or the daughter of a poor farmer.Whatever we want. Or maybe she has nothing to bring but JOY. How about that. Let’s see Black fantasy go:

Our marshmallow character is poor, works as a maid. She isn’t good at it at all, she’s too clumsy, but the owner can’t fire her because she’s angelic. She meets a cruel sad king. Her softness breaks down his cold heart. Making him feel a warmth that he’s never known. Just by watching how selfless and caring she is, she inspires him to be better. My soft characters are not “magical negreos”(it’s a trope that I hate), and as such can’t do any work to make other characters better. Those tropes are tired, but I think inspiring is ok. Seeing how much better received he is as a king after showing empathy. He realizes he needs her, and they get married, and she becomes queen. With her having nothing to her name but clumsiness, tears, and a happy disposition.

And that’s enough. Everything doesn’t have to be that deep.

The end.

If we are doing realism, here’s how I would do it. In a modern show, I would have her be the main character of a romance. I would have a Black guy meet her and be utterly blown away. He’s not used to a Black woman like her, but he’s intrigued. She likes horseback riding and loves the renaissance festival and cottage core. And he doesn’t know how to do it but likes her. But he’s worried he’s not sure if he’s up to her standard. Hijinks ensue(I can’t give you everything, use your imagination).

Black women find Black joy in friendship with other Black women

I hear it all the time, women don’t want friendship with other women because women are petty, jealous, will sleep with your man, have attitudes, and whatever other stereotypes people use. I do love drama, but I don’t have any. That’s why I enjoy K-dramas because I can turn them off when I want to. I love tea. I just don’t have any.

I feel like we are thinking about this the wrong way. If you don’t have drama, if you wouldn’t sleep with someone’s man, and aren’t petty or jealous, why automatically assume this of other women?

Yes, I understand that there are women who are those things, but imagine that someone saw you and thought you were this kind of person. Then you had to prove you aren’t and are worthy of their friendship.

Give people a chance. I’m not saying open up your home to a stranger or anything but give people space so that you can learn who they are. Be like Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” The thing is you will never learn who they are if you don’t give them a chance. Everybody isn’t great but you’ll never meet people if you don’t try.

I couldn’t imagine my life without Black women my own age and older. Going out, with my girls in our twenties. Being defended by upperclassmen, I didn’t even know well when I changed high schools. Going out with the girls having a girl’s night. We are showing out in public, and we had so much fun. Or now going out in cute and feminine in our thirties then hitting the arcade playing music-based games. And maybe that’s not what you’re into, but you can find women who like what you like.

We all aren’t going out for bobba and that’s ok?

You gotta love what you love, and find people who share those things in common. Women who can just suck your teeth together, when your hair isn’t doing the right thing. Or just you know, moisturizing a friend’s hair when they’ve had a hard day. Or being at an event where there are no Black people there and one of your besties just show up and you exchange the Black nod/glance. And everything becomes well with the world.

Make girlfriends sis, men aren’t as fun as we are. We need girls’ trips and events. It’s just another added thing to make like more fun.

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