Phrases thrown out on social media: Never cry in front of your woman she’ll lose all respect for you

I’ve heard this argument come up recently, and there is a big argument on both sides. Men who say they’ve had women break up after being vulnerable. And women who say being emotionally vulnerable is what women want.

Who’s right?

Both sides are, but hear me out as to why.

Some women are very wrapped up in the idea that there is a certain way to be a man. And crying to them is a feminine thing to do. So these women will lose respect for their man if he cries around them.

The issue.

Those women aren’t the only women that exist.

But if you’re a man or a woman, you will have to ask yourself if you care about emotional intelligence. Do you think both sexes should be allowed to have a full range of emotions without being judged?

First let me say that I am biased. The world is hard enough to live in. If you’re not being emotionally honest with the one you love, you’re adding another level of difficulty to life. Just because.

I couldn’t imagine living a life in which I had to bundle how I feel into a ball. Then hold it inside myself forever because I believe that no one cares and that it’s just my job to live that way. It’s a sad way to live, but it’s your choice. Because you can argue all day that women don’t care, and that is just how men have to live, but there are men who aren’t living that way. Which means you don’t have to.

Because you can’t tell me that my man being vulnerable with me isn’t one of the sexiest and most attractive parts of our relationship. I’m not here to convince you, but I have no reason to lie. You don’t get to tell me what I do and don’t find attractive or who does and doesn’t get my respect. And if you think I’m the only one, I think you might need to broaden your horizon.

Just because you haven’t found someone who can respect and honor your emotions doesn’t give you the right to say no man can, has, or ever will. Speak for yourself, but understand there are men out here that when they are home can put the weight of the world down,even if you don’t. If you continue to live that way, cool.

Suffer in silence, feel alone, take in all your pain, and cry only at your most vulnerable moments when you’re alone. But then can’t complain about it , don’t say that no one cares about men. Because I do.

But:

I can’t get you into therapy. I’m just a blogger.

I can’t make you gain a friend group that will support you when you need it. I’m just a blogger.

I can’t be your matchmaker and find you an emotionally intelligent woman who gets it. I’m just a blogger.

But I can still want that for you. I can still care about men who feel like this is the only way they can live. I just want people to know that both sides of this coin exist and which man or woman you are is just as much a choice as who you choose to be with.

Feeling good as Black women despite those who wish to demonize Black women

There are a lot of men on the internet right now who have made it their sole reason of existence to talk negatively about Black women. They call us ghetto to say we lack accountability, maturity, loud, insulting, emasculating, calling us “breeder”( no, I’m not kidding), and the list goes on.

But you know what I think we need to do as a collective?

Live our best lives.

I actually am a fan of people saying their true feelings. Even if I know their opinion are horrible ones. Why so that we as a collective can avoid them like the plague they are.

I like to watch them be dragged online, and I celebrate those who do have the energy to call them out for their ignorance. But I will personally put no effort into any of this. For myself, I don’t want to put a single more thought into them. They are not worth the stress the arguments would cause me.

You’re probably thinking, how do you combat them while not interacting with them?

Easy, by living my best life and actively proving them wrong with a great life. And having all the things they don’t believe I can have while being me.

Tropes we need: Tall dark skin guy who is introverted, shy, and quiet

This is what I want.

Tall black male characters who are not hyper-masculine or athletic. A tall quiet dark skinned-guy who would much rather read a book than go to a club. I know some men, might find this soft. But I don’t care.

I want to start with darker-skinned tall men first because they are the ones who are the most tightly choked by tropes. You normally get an athletic popular tall handsome black guy, a guy in the streets, or the dark-skinned villain who beats on women.

That’s the norm.

I want Black introverted men to get a view of themselves being the main character as well. It’s almost as if we don’t believe Black men can be introverts; in media, we make them extroverts or socially awkward. And that’s not realistic. I can’t blame this on stereotypes but on our cultures. I’ve seen people tell introverted men to stop being introverted.

BUT OF COURSE, it doesn’t work.

So he can be the main character, which would be new, or even a side character.

We can have our main character pretending all of his life to be extroverted and when he grows up he throws off the mask because it’s exhausting. And of course, family and friends start to complain. He’s no longer the life of the party he had been pretending to be. Then over time, he makes friends with people who are willing to accept him just as he is. It ends with him laying back in his house, enjoying the silence.

or

We have a regular Black friend group movie, and we have one of our characters be this trope. And we don’t point it out directly. We make it normal because being an introvert is normal. He talks when he feels it necessary to. And we follow all of them in their dating experiences. Maybe he might get a girlfriend who thinks he’s cheating, but he’s actually just taking time to recharge. He can’t prove it to her, but we, the audience, see him put on headphones and just listen to music, as we see his phone going off with her calling. Which he doesn’t see.

You have to make it dramatic.

There’s no one way to do this right, but it does need to be done.

Tropes we need: The confident short Black man who isn’t funny

Hollywood doesn’t like short men. If you don’t believe me, look up Tom Cruise and boxes. If an actor is popular, they’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that the actor looks the same height as the other men. God forbid people ever learn that there are men shorter than 5′ 10″.

In Black media, it is normally communicated via jokes. The character bears the brunt of a barrage of short jokes or he is a comedian. It’s almost as if we can’t have a short male character without having one “little man” joke in there somewhere. Or at least one woman turning him down, because who could possibly want a short man?

I propose we have a movie with a short Black man in it and (wait for it), and we don’t make his character about his height. We don’t even mention it, I know it sounds crazy, but I think we can do it. And if we do reference it make it just a regular thing. Not a big aha, he is so SHORT, but we play it as being normal. Because it is.

We make him a confident and serious character. In fact, how about we already have in a relationship from jump. With a beautiful woman, and he has the ideal marriage. His friends’ joke that he doesn’t get dating because he’s been married so long. But as our other leads date, he gives good honest dating advice. As we get to see the world through our character’s eyes.

OR

We make this man the lead in a fantasy movie. And we treat it just like a regular fantasy epic. Maybe a villain might laugh once before it’s defeated. But he ends up saving the world.

Or

We make him the handsome romantic lead. He is working at a Tech conglomerate (he’s rich), and he’s a rising star in the company. We’ll do the stereotypical K-Drama thing where he meets our lead woman and they hate each other. But as they keep meeting through happenstance circumstances they slowly fall in love. We could even do the stereotypical thing of him being a jerk with a backstory but grows over time.

To be fair, I just want regular stories with Black short men who aren’t comedians. Because it’s almost as if we’ve set a standard if you are a short man, you are only worthy of being on screen if you’re funny.

Everyone deserves to see themselves on screen.

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