Problematic relationship statements: Choose better.

Choose better. Is often a phrase used toward women when they’ve had a bad experience with men. I will explain why this phrase isn’t good advice, isn’t helpful, and is just a strawman argument.

Reason 1: People will lie to date you.

Have you ever pretended to be into something a woman or guy is interested in for them to look at you? I hate to tell you that’s manipulative, but not only that, it’s lying. It’s very common. Many people will fake interest and hobbies in hopes of getting in a relationship with someone.

And you should hope it’s something that small. Many will lie about wanting kids, having children, being married, having a home, and/or having a job. All with the hopes of tricking someone who wouldn’t date them otherwise into getting into a relationship.

And if we’re being honest and if you’re dating someone that you don’t know. It’s easy to be lied to. Especially in the beginning before you get emotionally attached. If you’re seeing someone once a week. You are not to blame if they’re hiding a family, kids, anger issues, or even their employment status?

Reason 2: Sometimes people break up, and both parties are great people.

We always forget that sometimes people choose well, but just aren’t right for each other. Values and wants are just different sometimes and mature adults occasionally decide that breaking up is better than compromise.

Reason 3:You don’t know what you don’t know.

Most people that end up being in abusive relationships, had no clue that the guy/girl was abusive when they started dating. And do you think people that don’t support their children tell you that before you have kids with them?

There are many situations in which, the person honestly couldn’t have known about it till it happened. I know it’s cute to pretend that there are always red flags, but sometimes there aren’t. 

And sometimes they are ones you only can pick up on, once you’ve been in this type of situation before. It’s easy to know you’re being lied to when you’ve had experience being lied to. But some people don’t have experience of going through those situations. Should we blame them for having truthful people in their lives?

 Reason 4: How?

It’s easy to just tell someone to do better. It’s lazy everyone should do better. Real advice would be telling them how to date better. You say I missed red flags. Which ones? How did I miss them? How can I avoid them next time? How could I have known he would neglect his firstborn child? How should I have known he was going to hit me before he started? What are the first signs of an isolating partner? How could I have known he would choose his friends or mother consistently over me, every time?

And if you can’t look at their situation and tell them how they could have avoided it, that means that you could have easily fallen for the same thing. And if you couldn’t have done better, what right do have to tell them to. 

Well, what if they did know they were bad guys. How do you describe those women?

You’re talking about the women who date men who have treated their exes like trash and don’t raise their kids. I don’t always think it’s as simple as these women thinking they are the exception to the rule. Though that may be true in a few of those situations.

Most of this time these women are fed a story about how the ex was less than a woman and some excuse of how the woman is keeping them from their kids. And the woman figures that they are a better woman than that. So if they are a good woman that’ll be enough to change the situation,right? Though it doesn’t work most of the time.

 Also, you have to understand there are men who will treat one woman like trash, leave kids and not support them. Make a new family and be the best father and husband to this new family. And I don’t know how a woman can tell which situation will happen before it happens. 

You don’t think the second one happens.

 Ok, this is a sad fact ,but although we know “King” Richard Williams was just that to Venus and Serena, he had five other kids, who are still very hurt and angry that he left them and their mom.

My advice.

Don’t give advice to just shut people up it doesn’t work. It just makes us talk more about your bad takes.

Your advice to women is don’t date bad men, but for the most part, the women don’t know the men are bad when they first chose them. Your advice should be you telling other men to be better. But men who use this line, don’t actually want to do any work so saying this is easy. 

Holding other men accountable is work.

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