If you’re a nerd having problem with finding nerdy women part 1 : How you speak

So I keep hearing it every year some nerd/blerd guy complaining how women don’t date nerds. So I thought I would make some post that might give you some insight into why you can’t find your nerdy woman.Here’s the first reason why nerd women may not want to talk to you.

Question 1: When you see a woman wearing fandom merch, do you immediately feel the need to question her?

Storytime: So I’m a Trekkie(Star Trek fan), and I was wearing my second favorite Klingon shirt when I was going into a store. A guy that worked there felt the need to ask me this: 

“Do you know what TV show your shirt is from? “Can you see the issue here?

He didn’t ask what show my shirt was from, because if he was genuinely curious that’s how you ask. He asked me, “did I know where my shirt was from”. The implication is that maybe I was just wearing a shirt of some random show I didn’t watch. 

What if he was trying to start a conversation?

Then he failed. Utterly failed. Nothing will break a conversation more so than a person feeling the need to question my fandoms. I’ve been watching Star Trek as long as I’ve been watching TV. My first TV crush was Spock. I grew up on TOS, and have watched every series since then. Some of them I’ve watched multiple times, just because I love them that much.

Also licensed merchandise is expensive, like $25 for a shirt expensive. And hoodies, let’s not even talk about the extortion prices they charge.

Question 2: Are you asking her what she’s into, or are you trying to figure out if she’s really a fan?

So you see a girl with an anime background on her phone. How would you respond?

 Here’s an example of how someone responded to a woman after seeing her phone screen.

“Did you just start watching anime or somethin’ ‘”?

The problem a lot of women have to deal with this from almost every fandom, unless it’s a female-orientated fandom. Here’s a list of normal (good) interactions and a list of gatekeeping reactions.

Good responses:

(Sees women wearing OP shirt) I love OP. What do you think of the new animation? Who is your favorite character?

What anime is your favorite?

What are you playing? 

Oh, a romance sim, I’ve never played one before. What’s that like to play?

Dude, I really love your screensaver. What other animes are you into?

Wow, that’s a really dope hoody. I love[fill in anime]. Where did you get it from?

I noticed you’re into anime, what’s your favorite genre?

Bad responses that will automatically make women angry

Do you like anime? Name ten that you like besides[names every mainstream shonen anime ]?

Are you “just getting into anime”?”

You probably only watch [insert show]”because you think [HOT side character] is hot”.

What video games do you like? You play Star Dew Valley and the Sims….(visible disappointment). Those don’t count they are not “real” games.

You’re not really into anime if you haven’t watched [insert popular shonen anime].

The best way to think about it.

If you have never said it to another man. Then you probably shouldn’t say it to a woman. If you feel the need to question a woman’s validity in something she is wearing, doing, or saying you may need to ask yourself why. Why do I feel this way? Do I have a problem with women doing nerdy traditionally male activities? Where do these feelings come from? Do I know how to deal with them versus putting them on someone else?

You might feel like you’d like someone to question fandom knowledge, it gives you a chance to prove yourself. But imagine it was all the time, people constantly making you prove that you are just as competent as them.

Simply speaking if your comment could come off as condescending, just don’t say it. If you’re not sure about how you come off, just ask them to tell you about what they love about their fandom. BUT don’t I repeat, don’t question us about our hobbies. There’s not a right or wrong way to do it.

(Some of the things are “” are real things said to me or other women in groups that I’m in. Sad I know.)

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