I feel like there is a trap that people who have been together for a while fall into. Which is buying household items for their spouse as if it was a gift for them.
Let me give you our first example of when it’s ok.
Let’s say your wife loves cooking and baking, she blogs about cooking. Her dream is to own a restaurant one day. So you get her an industrial mixer even fancier than her current kitchen aid. Not just that, but you buy her a luxurious cooking set that she’s been gushing about. It’s pricey, but she says they are the best. You think all pots cook the same, but then again she’s the chef, not you.
She is over the moon she can’t contain her excitement and wants to use everything right now. But you shake your head, you’ll be cooking today. You’re kinda basking in the glow of how happy she is.
This next example is the problem people fall into.
You aren’t sure what to give your wife. She hasn’t asked for anything special. She has a lot of things. You look around the house, the pots are dying. Since your wife does most of the cooking you give them to her for her birthday. You also realize that “her” kitchen aid is dying so you research and buy the best option and replace it. She says thank you but seems a little upset. You can’t fathom why all the gifts were expensive. You bother her until she tells her honest opinion.
That you didn’t give her anything.
You just bought something the house needed and didn’t think about her. You get upset and explain that you spent a lot of money on these items. She said that y’all would have had to buy them anyway and that they had nothing to do with her. You think she’s ungrateful.
Both women got the same items but reacted differently. Let’s break down why.
The first woman got something that her man bought specifically for her because he knew she loved those things. These weren’t random items he was buying. These were things she wanted.
This was a well-thought-out plan by a man whose intention was not to get a thing for the house. But to buy his woman something that she would enjoy, and could help her achieve her dreams. That’s why she loves it so much. It was all about her.
Before you call the second woman vain or ungrateful. Replace the cooking items with any other household items [toothpaste, shower curtains, sheets, groceries, a random shelf, a bowl, a toaster, tissue, a vacuum]. Do you feel the same way?
Are they appropriate birthday items from your partner, or are they just things you need in a home? At the end of a long day, it all boils down to intention. Were the items bought for the wife? Or were they a last-ditch effort because you don’t communicate enough with your spouse to know what they want?
But they need them, so what’s the issue?
Yes, but I don’t give toilet paper as a “gift” to my partner and try to pretend it’s something for him when the house needs it. Gifts for your partner should be just that, a gift for them.
The trick.
As hard as it is when you buy something for someone else. Your first thought should be, will this gift bring them joy. Would it make them smile? Would the memory alone make them think fondly of you? Or is this gift just a work item? Lawn mowers, hedge clippers, cleaning items, garden tools, cooking items, tool kits, etc are only good gifts for a person who enjoys using them. If it’s a chore, then it isn’t.
If he likes landscaping and gardening, then new hedge clippers and a driving lawnmower are a great gift. If that’s something he has to do to take care of the house, then it isn’t. It’s just something you would have bought regardless. Most people just want to know that you are thinking of them when you get them a gift. It doesn’t have to be a huge thing, sometimes just a home-cooked meal, favorite flowers, or a trip to their favorite place. Something to remind them that you’re still on their mind.
Exceptions.
So here is the perfect example: literal tissue and a waffle maker.
Things from people’s interests are always great gifts. Even if they are necessities.
BECAUSE
The gift actually takes your partner into account. Yes, the toilet paper is a total gag gift. But it’s still a silly little gift that your partner will appreciate if they love Godzilla. It literally is a sheet-by-sheet of the entire movie. You will be very hard-pressed to find a Star Wars fan who does not like Star Wars things all over their house.
There is some middle ground, but the middle ground can only be found when you are thinking of what your partner likes.
Ponderingsofablackwoman 