A Black Woman’s Daily Affirmation- You may not be where you thought you’d be,but don’t give up you’re doing great.

A Black Woman’s Daily Affirmations: Day One-

You had a plan. You knew exactly where you would be by this time in your life. You had your whole life mapped out. You knew where you would be at every pivotal milestone. 21,30,35,40.

But

Life happened, and for better or for worse, all those intricate plans that you had have gone awry. And you’re hurt because you knew where you were supposed to be at this point in your life.

But I have a question for you.

Who told you, you had to have some gigantic life plan to do well? Who told you that you have to complete some specific list in your twenties or you’ve failed? I need you to know that for the vast majority of us. Our lives look nothing like we thought they would. And we still have beautiful lives. There isn’t one age that you must complete anything to live well.

Who told you that you weren’t doing a great job?

I need you to know that as long as you’re moving forward to have the best life, that’s where you should be in life. Maybe you haven’t done all the big things you had planned, but that’s ok. As long as you are moving forward.

Now understand moving forward looks different for each person. You have to understand that living and growth is a process that looks different on everyone.

Maybe if you have dreams of writing a book you blog once a day. Or if you have aspirations of going back to school, just start by studying up on one of the classes you have to take for that major. Maybe you have a simple dream of traveling beyond your country. Even saving $25 a month is a start. Nothing is too small as long as you are moving forward. There is nothing wrong with where you are. Everyone needs a starting point. The most important thing is to consistently move every day toward your goal. Whether that is just one footstep or a mile a day doesn’t matter.

You’re not at the wrong point in your life. Don’t give up on yourself. Don’t let setbacks or hard times make you think you can’t achieve your goals. Keep moving forward. You are at the exact moment that you need to be. I know your story is going to be amazing! So don’t give up on it just because a few chapters aren’t what you would like.

Feeling good as Black women despite those who wish to demonize Black women

There are a lot of men on the internet right now who have made it their sole reason of existence to talk negatively about Black women. They call us ghetto to say we lack accountability, maturity, loud, insulting, emasculating, calling us “breeder”( no, I’m not kidding), and the list goes on.

But you know what I think we need to do as a collective?

Live our best lives.

I actually am a fan of people saying their true feelings. Even if I know their opinion are horrible ones. Why so that we as a collective can avoid them like the plague they are.

I like to watch them be dragged online, and I celebrate those who do have the energy to call them out for their ignorance. But I will personally put no effort into any of this. For myself, I don’t want to put a single more thought into them. They are not worth the stress the arguments would cause me.

You’re probably thinking, how do you combat them while not interacting with them?

Easy, by living my best life and actively proving them wrong with a great life. And having all the things they don’t believe I can have while being me.

How to respond: When you hear a Black man say he doesn’t date Black girls

For many Black women, when we see these posts, we feel the need to defend ourselves. Not just ourselves, but Blackwomanhood as a whole. You know that you’re not [fill in whatever stereotype] excuse that this man feels that justifies his reasoning on why he’s has left.

Right now, I am seeing a lot of Black men, come for Black women. We’re masculine, aggressive, angry, full of vitriol, gold-diggers, that don’t give any men a second of peace, etc. The comments sections are full of men who wholeheartedly agree, women trying to defend themselves, and a handful of men willing to fight for their lives against their peers. But ladies, I’m tired of arguing with these men. I know we as Black women aren’t a monolith even if our counterparts don’t. So let’s do something else. Let’s get the best revenge.

How?

We do it by living our best life without these men. Ignoring the gurus and these men. Hear me out. Just work on being the best and healthiest version of yourself. And after you do that, if someone doesn’t like you, then that’s their personal problem.

He doesn’t like how excitable and loud you get when you’re happy, then he’s not the one. Do not limit your joy for anyone.

He feels uncomfortable when you correct him. Then find a guy that is fine with knowing when he’s wrong, as long as you’re ok with being told as well in the same manner(told, not called out, there’ a mountain of difference). We go high over here, but we also treat people like we want to be treated. Nothing but accountability in these streets.

People love to say hit dogs holler.

But let’s be honest, it’s natural for people to stick up for themselves and people who look like them. If someone were to look at you and say: all Black people are trash people, who steal, are the most murderous people, are uneducated, and are all welfare queens.

Do you think just because you’re a Black well-off, educated, peaceful person that you still wouldn’t be offended by the generalizations? These negative stereotypes can still hurt. It’s natural to want people to know that their words are harmful. Maybe they won’t hurt you, but if you can get those people to stop before they can hurt others would be ideal.

But let’s be honest. Maybe we’re putting too much on our shoulders. Let’s take of this cape. If these men want to be self-hating, colorist, and prejudiced against their own.

Let them.

Just don’t deal with them. I don’t have friends who think this way because I’m not letting that energy be around me. If they want to spend all their energy complaining about Black women. Let them, they keep saying they’re happy. But if they really were, they wouldn’t spend so much time trying to tear us down.

Happy people ARE NOT tearing other people down.

Miserable people do. Angry people do. Imagine being so angry, at a particular group of people that you become obsessed with them. You can’t even talk about the person you like without talking about the people they don’t like. Think about all the energy and time they take just to tell us they don’t want us.

The videos, the comments, the clubhouse rooms, ladies they’re spending enough time for all of us. Don’t waste any of your valuable time on them. Maybe they’ll never know the truth, but that’s ok.

Live in your own peace, and find a man who knows how multi-dimensional you are as a Black woman.

Black women find Black joy in friendship with other Black women

I hear it all the time, women don’t want friendship with other women because women are petty, jealous, will sleep with your man, have attitudes, and whatever other stereotypes people use. I do love drama, but I don’t have any. That’s why I enjoy K-dramas because I can turn them off when I want to. I love tea. I just don’t have any.

I feel like we are thinking about this the wrong way. If you don’t have drama, if you wouldn’t sleep with someone’s man, and aren’t petty or jealous, why automatically assume this of other women?

Yes, I understand that there are women who are those things, but imagine that someone saw you and thought you were this kind of person. Then you had to prove you aren’t and are worthy of their friendship.

Give people a chance. I’m not saying open up your home to a stranger or anything but give people space so that you can learn who they are. Be like Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” The thing is you will never learn who they are if you don’t give them a chance. Everybody isn’t great but you’ll never meet people if you don’t try.

I couldn’t imagine my life without Black women my own age and older. Going out, with my girls in our twenties. Being defended by upperclassmen, I didn’t even know well when I changed high schools. Going out with the girls having a girl’s night. We are showing out in public, and we had so much fun. Or now going out in cute and feminine in our thirties then hitting the arcade playing music-based games. And maybe that’s not what you’re into, but you can find women who like what you like.

We all aren’t going out for bobba and that’s ok?

You gotta love what you love, and find people who share those things in common. Women who can just suck your teeth together, when your hair isn’t doing the right thing. Or just you know, moisturizing a friend’s hair when they’ve had a hard day. Or being at an event where there are no Black people there and one of your besties just show up and you exchange the Black nod/glance. And everything becomes well with the world.

Make girlfriends sis, men aren’t as fun as we are. We need girls’ trips and events. It’s just another added thing to make like more fun.

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