How to respond: When you hear a Black man say he doesn’t date Black girls

For many Black women, when we see these posts, we feel the need to defend ourselves. Not just ourselves, but Blackwomanhood as a whole. You know that you’re not [fill in whatever stereotype] excuse that this man feels that justifies his reasoning on why he’s has left.

Right now, I am seeing a lot of Black men, come for Black women. We’re masculine, aggressive, angry, full of vitriol, gold-diggers, that don’t give any men a second of peace, etc. The comments sections are full of men who wholeheartedly agree, women trying to defend themselves, and a handful of men willing to fight for their lives against their peers. But ladies, I’m tired of arguing with these men. I know we as Black women aren’t a monolith even if our counterparts don’t. So let’s do something else. Let’s get the best revenge.


We do it by living our best life without these men. Ignoring the gurus and these men. Hear me out. Just work on being the best and healthiest version of yourself. And after you do that, if someone doesn’t like you, then that’s their personal problem.

He doesn’t like how excitable and loud you get when you’re happy, then he’s not the one. Do not limit your joy for anyone.

He feels uncomfortable when you correct him. Then find a guy that is fine with knowing when he’s wrong, as long as you’re ok with being told as well in the same manner(told, not called out, there’ a mountain of difference). We go high over here, but we also treat people like we want to be treated. Nothing but accountability in these streets.

People love to say hit dogs holler.

But let’s be honest, it’s natural for people to stick up for themselves and people who look like them. If someone were to look at you and say: all Black people are trash people, who steal, are the most murderous people, are uneducated, and are all welfare queens.

Do you think just because you’re a Black well-off, educated, peaceful person that you still wouldn’t be offended by the generalizations? These negative stereotypes can still hurt. It’s natural to want people to know that their words are harmful. Maybe they won’t hurt you, but if you can get those people to stop before they can hurt others would be ideal.

But let’s be honest. Maybe we’re putting too much on our shoulders. Let’s take of this cape. If these men want to be self-hating, colorist, and prejudiced against their own.

Let them.

Just don’t deal with them. I don’t have friends who think this way because I’m not letting that energy be around me. If they want to spend all their energy complaining about Black women. Let them, they keep saying they’re happy. But if they really were, they wouldn’t spend so much time trying to tear us down.

Happy people ARE NOT tearing other people down.

Miserable people do. Angry people do. Imagine being so angry, at a particular group of people that you become obsessed with them. You can’t even talk about the person you like without talking about the people they don’t like. Think about all the energy and time they take just to tell us they don’t want us.

The videos, the comments, the clubhouse rooms, ladies they’re spending enough time for all of us. Don’t waste any of your valuable time on them. Maybe they’ll never know the truth, but that’s ok.

Live in your own peace, and find a man who knows how multi-dimensional you are as a Black woman.

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