Feeling good as Black women despite those who wish to demonize Black women

There are a lot of men on the internet right now who have made it their sole reason of existence to talk negatively about Black women. They call us ghetto to say we lack accountability, maturity, loud, insulting, emasculating, calling us “breeder”( no, I’m not kidding), and the list goes on.

But you know what I think we need to do as a collective?

Live our best lives.

I actually am a fan of people saying their true feelings. Even if I know their opinion are horrible ones. Why so that we as a collective can avoid them like the plague they are.

I like to watch them be dragged online, and I celebrate those who do have the energy to call them out for their ignorance. But I will personally put no effort into any of this. For myself, I don’t want to put a single more thought into them. They are not worth the stress the arguments would cause me.

You’re probably thinking, how do you combat them while not interacting with them?

Easy, by living my best life and actively proving them wrong with a great life. And having all the things they don’t believe I can have while being me.

Working on my art: How I encourage myself as a writer.

I’ve had a hard time encouraging myself to write.

There are so many fantasy books out there. So many popular authors, so many really good books coming out at all times. At one time I just stopped, how can I even compare to my favorite authors?

How do I compete with them?

Even though there weren’t any Black fantasy books for me when I was growing up, there is so much more now. Nowhere near the amount needed. But how can a retelling of a fairytale ever compete with Children of Blood and Bone?

But then I realized something.

The only person I should be competing with is me from yesterday. Fighting to be a better person and a better author slowly but surely. And the fact is there is no such thing as too many options. There is room for everyone and their books at the table.

The best analogy is that of the bread aisle. There are so many kinds of bread, so many brands, cooking styles, and flavors. So that everyone can get what they want.Regardless of how specific it may be. Everyone can get the exact thing they want.

The one thing that no other person can ever offer is my perspective and my way of thinking because they’re only one of me.

Tropes we need: Black people who are into Science Fiction

Recently I heard a TikToke that really made me … frustrated.

It was about a Black woman recounting when she talked about her parents to a white friend. She talked about how they were rediscovering roots as much as they could, I can’t remember what organization it was but it was obviously a Black one. And then she mentioned how her mom was a Trekkie like she won a Ms.Klingon pageant and the other was a Star Wars fan.

And of course, the obvious question is, how do these people exist in the same house with having totally opposite views on sci-fi. But no, it wasn’t that.

Her response was she didn’t realize that the girl’s parents were white.*

Everything she said about her tracing her roots was instantly thrown out as soon as she mentioned DND and StarTrek.

But

If we are being honest we don’t really talk about Black people beign into sci-fi you certainly don’t see them being portrayed in shows. Lucas from Stranger Things is the only Black kid I’ve ever seen in a show doing something in relationship to sci-fi or fantasy.

One kid.

And when I was growing up I saw nothing, but I had me. So although I didn’t see any Black people into sci-fi, I was one. I grew up watching StarTrek: TOS, Lost in Space, Quantum Leap, Stargate, Firefly, and so many others. If it was in space, had robots from the future(Sarah Conner Chronicles, I’m looking at you), or dealt with any type of aliens, I was all over it. So if I exist, as a Black sci-fi fan, there’s no reason for me to doubt the existence of other Black sci-fi fans. But what about Black people who aren’t into sci-fi? What’s their relationship to Black people who are into it?

So let’s make stories together.

This first one will be a regular romance scenario, with a man pursuing a woman. She’s really into sci-fi. She goes to conventions, owns every episode of Dr.Who, watches Discovery to lift her spirits up whenever she’s sad. He learns about sci-fi, and also about the many Black people that navigate that space. The longer he dates her, the more interested in sci-fi he gets.

Or

We have a story about a girl who isn’t into sci-fi but finds a show from the nineties/two-thousands and starts watching it, but she can’t find the rest of the show. She goes to Reddit forums and makes loads of friends during her search. Only to find out the tragic fate that happened to most sci-fi shows on public television.

Cancellation.

The show is about her growth in sci-fi especially concerning her and Blackness. And her evolving over time into a sci-fi fan.

Or

We have a Black person in a show about a group of Black friends whose into sci-fi and we make it normal. The Star Trek, the Stargate, the Dr.Who references, are integrated into this character’s model, so much so that their friends know sci-fi facts just because of proximity. Maybe we do have an episode where someone tries to define their Blackness and then a strong moment of our Black cast coming together to point out that this person is not the authority on Blackness. And our friends will have a heart-to-heart conversation on concepts like oreo and how it affected their perceptions of Blackness as a child and as an adult.

End Scene.

*I would have a link to the original video, but I can’t find it. And I looked, if you know the creator, you can post it in the comments.

How to respond: When you hear a Black man say he doesn’t date Black girls

For many Black women, when we see these posts, we feel the need to defend ourselves. Not just ourselves, but Blackwomanhood as a whole. You know that you’re not [fill in whatever stereotype] excuse that this man feels that justifies his reasoning on why he’s has left.

Right now, I am seeing a lot of Black men, come for Black women. We’re masculine, aggressive, angry, full of vitriol, gold-diggers, that don’t give any men a second of peace, etc. The comments sections are full of men who wholeheartedly agree, women trying to defend themselves, and a handful of men willing to fight for their lives against their peers. But ladies, I’m tired of arguing with these men. I know we as Black women aren’t a monolith even if our counterparts don’t. So let’s do something else. Let’s get the best revenge.

How?

We do it by living our best life without these men. Ignoring the gurus and these men. Hear me out. Just work on being the best and healthiest version of yourself. And after you do that, if someone doesn’t like you, then that’s their personal problem.

He doesn’t like how excitable and loud you get when you’re happy, then he’s not the one. Do not limit your joy for anyone.

He feels uncomfortable when you correct him. Then find a guy that is fine with knowing when he’s wrong, as long as you’re ok with being told as well in the same manner(told, not called out, there’ a mountain of difference). We go high over here, but we also treat people like we want to be treated. Nothing but accountability in these streets.

People love to say hit dogs holler.

But let’s be honest, it’s natural for people to stick up for themselves and people who look like them. If someone were to look at you and say: all Black people are trash people, who steal, are the most murderous people, are uneducated, and are all welfare queens.

Do you think just because you’re a Black well-off, educated, peaceful person that you still wouldn’t be offended by the generalizations? These negative stereotypes can still hurt. It’s natural to want people to know that their words are harmful. Maybe they won’t hurt you, but if you can get those people to stop before they can hurt others would be ideal.

But let’s be honest. Maybe we’re putting too much on our shoulders. Let’s take of this cape. If these men want to be self-hating, colorist, and prejudiced against their own.

Let them.

Just don’t deal with them. I don’t have friends who think this way because I’m not letting that energy be around me. If they want to spend all their energy complaining about Black women. Let them, they keep saying they’re happy. But if they really were, they wouldn’t spend so much time trying to tear us down.

Happy people ARE NOT tearing other people down.

Miserable people do. Angry people do. Imagine being so angry, at a particular group of people that you become obsessed with them. You can’t even talk about the person you like without talking about the people they don’t like. Think about all the energy and time they take just to tell us they don’t want us.

The videos, the comments, the clubhouse rooms, ladies they’re spending enough time for all of us. Don’t waste any of your valuable time on them. Maybe they’ll never know the truth, but that’s ok.

Live in your own peace, and find a man who knows how multi-dimensional you are as a Black woman.

Finding Grown Black Joy in Hobbies part 2 : Finding what makes you smile

When I thought about my first post, I realized some people really didn’t get a childhood that gave them a chance to find out what makes them happy. Some of us honestly only know work and the hustle. In between jobs, helping with siblings, there could be a multitude of reasons why you may didn’t have a chance to develop hobbies, so I have suggestions:

Go to a museum or an art exhibit by an artist you aren’t familiar with.

Try some videos games: one RPG, one fighting, and one farming sim ( farming sims are super relaxing).

Try on some anime: watch a few episodes of a shonen, shojo, and a slice of life.

Go to a painting class with your friends.

Dress up and go to a restaurant of a food culture you aren’t familiar with, and then ask the waiter for their suggestion. Trying something new is always fun.

On a sunny day take a journal and go to the park and sketch what you see.

Write down how you feel, add so rhythm, YOU WROTE A POEM! Congrats how does it feel?

Try some card games, something like spades or unstable unicorns.

Many dojo’s/dojangs have the first class for free so try out a martial art, both Taekwondo and Capoeira are super fun.

Go to a pawn shop find a cheap instrument that you always wanted to play. Practice.

Read a comic or start a collection, yeah people still do this.

Read fantasy or historical fiction about Black people. Yes, a lot of modern authors are writing Black historical fiction that doesn’t revolve around racism and pain, it’s great. And seeing magical stories revolving around Black people rather than them not existing is what kid me always looked for.

Find a podcast that teaches you something.

I could go on forever really, but the trick is to learn about yourself. So that you can take care of yourself. And a big part of knowing yourself is knowing things that bring you joy. It could be one thing on this list or all of them.

But knowing is half the battle.

Finding Black Joy in things without tearing something else down: PART 1

Recently I was watching an interview of a biracial Black woman. When it came time to talk about her hair, she proclaimed that she loved her hair and that she was “blessed” that it wasn’t nappy like her mother’s. And you should note she made sure that she pointed out her mother telling her how “lucky ” she is to have her texture.

There’s a lot you can say about this, but I’m going to make a different correlation than most. Her words reminded me of how some Black men sound when say when they don’t date Black women. They often tear down what they don’t like in Black women and THAN praise the qualities they “feel” white(or just non-Black) women have over us. It is also reminiscent of Black men who won’t date women who look like them because of stereotypes they have over their skin tone.

But if you do this, you need to ask yourself: Why is your love of something so tied to its superiority to something else?

Think about that.

The honest question I feel like people often don’t get asked is: Do you honestly like the thing you claim to love?

Is your dislike of something so overwhelming, that you find anything that isn’t that amazing?

Does she love her hair, or is her dislike of 4C hair so high that everything in comparison is better? Do these men like these women, or do they dislike Black women/their skin so much that anything in comparison is better?

Wait, you say.

What if they do, genuinely love those other women, and what if she genuinely loves her hair? You could make arguments for them, but it doesn’t take away the fact that they can’t manage to talk about their love without disparaging someone else. In her interview, she could have easily just talked about how much she loved her hair.

But she didn’t.

She had to make sure people knew how thankful she was, that she didn’t have “nappy” hair. Because that is her truth, regardless of how sad it might make us. The same thing with many videos I see on social media with Black Men who don’t date Black women. These men don’t just happily date other people groups. No, many of them want to make sure you know, they don’t date Black women and then they feel compelled to tell you why.

No one is entitled to the reasons for why you do what you do. If you love something you don’t have to give people a reason why.

But if you choose to say why, do it, tell your story.

UNLESS your reasoning tears others down.

If you can’t say what you love without hurting innocent people. Maybe ask yourself why your declarations are always a shot at someone else, often to those you don’t even know.

I’ll talk more about that in Part 2 on where I feel like a lot of these feelings come from.

Grown Black Joy meet hobbies

I know one of the biggest things in our community is grinding. Doing what needs to be done so that we can live the life that we want to. For us and our future generations. I love how the community is striving to make generation wealth happen for our children.

It is SO beautiful.

But the thing I have to ask you is, what are you doing just for you, that you enjoy? Even if it doesn’t add a dollar to your bank account. Especially if it doesn’t add monetary value to your life. Are you still doing things that are fun and make you happy? It may sound trivial, even childish but when is the last time you as an adult did something just because you enjoyed it?

It is very easy to make work and your business your life. But it isn’t and while you are building a better life, it’s very easy to just work through and not enjoy the present. When was the last time that you valued your interest?

And if you say your interest is money, then when you get it what are you gonna use it for? If the sole reason behind you getting money is just having it. Most people want to get money so they can enjoy their interests fully, so they can live more freely and do all the things they couldn’t because of finances. One day you could definitely make it big if you dedicate yourself to that business. That is the dream, and I’m not telling you not to strive toward your goals, but to prioritize the present as well. Maybe just take fifteen to thirty minutes a week to do something that you love doing, for the sake of your love for it.

?

So you’re telling me, you don’t have time for fun things. Yeah, I get it, we’re adults some of us have kids, and the day may not have the number of hours we need. I’ve found is that if I purposefully schedule in time for something. I end up doing it. We make time for things we find valuable. And I really want people to find value in their smiles just as they do in the dollar.

Go read that book, try baking that thing, build that Gundam, go live, stream with friends. I don’t know what you like. But you do, so go do that thing that makes you smile.

Because what we forget is that we need balance work shouldn’t be life, and it’s the things we enjoy that make life worth it.

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started