The real problem with the high value man conversation isn’t what you think is part one: Value

Lately, people are the talk about what a high-value man is. It often has been scaled down to money and things. A high-value man is a career man making a certain kind of income and having a certain amount of things. But there’s a huge gaping problem that no one is talking about within this conversation.

 Let’s say we meet for the first time and are talking. You tell me that you are a high-value man. But you must understand one critical thing. I have no idea what you mean by that.

What, why?

In popular culture, the term is often synonymous with money and things. But what if that’s not what I value? Saying that to someone you don’t know doesn’t make sense, because you don’t know what they value.And they don’t know what you value. The problem starts with assuming that every woman subscribes to the same core of what makes a person valuable.

So let’s give you three examples of women and what they are looking for.

Woman 1

She wants a man, who is handy. She has a degree and wants a man with one. She’s an entrepreneur with a budding business and wants a man who has the same level of passion for his career, he needs to be a business owner too. He can’t have roommates and needs to be already established. She wants to be spoiled because she the kind of woman who caters to her man.

Woman 2

Doesn’t care that much about finances as long as he has a career he’s passionate about. Wants someone whose willing to watch, slice-of-life anime with her and willing to do couple-cosplays together. Must watch anime. Needs someone who’s emotionally intelligent and willing to honestly share his feelings. She also wants a man who she can share her faith with.

Woman 3

Wants to live a sustainable life and that’s really important to her. She’s vegan for health reasons. She’s just trying to be her healthiest. She needs a man who can understand and value that just as much as she does. She needs someone that can enjoy nature, hiking, and the world just as much as she does. She wants someone she can share her spirituality with.

Which of these women is seeking a high-value man? 

Surprise! It’s a trick question because each woman is describing what a high-value man is, TO THEM. We are often quick to assume and put all women in a small box and say what all women want. But we’re talking about priorities, not what makes the list. But what is high on the list.

Woman 2 and 3 three don’t seem realistic to you, really.

You’ve never met women like that before. They don’t sound realistic. Hi, I am Woman 2. I do understand that there are a lot of women that may be like woman 1. But I have a question for you. Do you honestly think all women have the same value system when it comes to men? Beyond the bare minimum: a career, a place to sleep, fidelity, honesty, and financial independence.

[By financial independence I mean paying their own bills. Not rich, not making any certain amount, but taking care of themselves as functioning adults]

The funny thing is Woman 1 was created as the opposite of who I am as a person. I just put together all the things I hear women say that I don’t agree with or find important in a relationship. You may think woman 2 and 3 don’t seem real. But woman 1 is the only one that’s just an amalgamation of ideas, she’s the one I made up. Woman 3 is my best friend. We vary.

And before you go further in arguing with me. Understand it all comes down to this one thing.

Everyone values different things, and we don’t get to tell them what they choose to value. Or what high priority is to them.

You might think valuing a man who likes anime is silly, but I think living a life with someone you can’t enjoy your main hobbies with, is a silly and joyless life. My high value was wanting a best friend because that’s what I found to be the most important in choosing a man. 

Instead of assuming that you’re a catch because you meet arbitrary rules that some person told you were what women wanted. Show her through your actions that you’re a worthy suitor. And that’s a message for everyone. Let your actions show how much value you bring to the table.

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