Greenflags in a relationship: part 2

Someone who is open and honest about their values and what they want in a relationship from the beginning.

There is a lot of discourse about when you should really have difficult discussions in a relationship. When should the discussion go from fluff to serious? Many people argue against being too open at the beginning because of a relationship, because of the fear of coming on too strong.

My argument is that these people are better at dating than others. Think about it. If I knew the main issues that people end up having trouble in their relationships and I could cut it out from the beginning don’t you think I should? 

I hate to say it but a lot of long-term relationships end up having issues because they do feelings and emotions first. Then values and beliefs secondarily. So by the time many have deep relationships with people, they are already like them a lot. The issue is most people are lenient on people they really like. People will deny red flags in the name of love until they don’t.

But what if before you go in too deep you have a person that wants to know what makes you tick before they put that love in, to protect not just themselves, but you as well. We love to talk about compromise, but we don’t often discuss that you shouldn’t have to compromise everything for a relationship. It’s ok to have non-negotiables. Choosing to have kids, if you should get married or not, keeping your pets, family traditions, there are many others but these are often ones that actually hurt relationships.

Imagine you meet a guy. You go on a couple of dates, and then you learn that he wants to get married. You think marriage is an antiquated concept. You talk about it and you’re surprised he’s not trying to convince you of getting married. He respects your choice. He articulates himself in such a way you can understand why he wants to get married. 

  You guys decide to break up, still be friends, and find someone with similar ideals.

Now imagine the same scenario but with different people who have been dating six months, and the lady begins talking about marriage. The guy tells her he doesn’t believe in it. If we’re being honest in this situation, only the person who wants to get married is essentially affected. Though over time, if their want is deep, it ends up really affecting everything. 

 Sometimes issues can’t be avoided. People lie, some change their minds, but some people tell you for better or for worse what they are about from the beginning. And even if they are not giving you want. You really should respect them for being upfront, because so many people aren’t.

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